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Chase's plans to go to the East depends on testimonials from all of the state Dioceses. He laments about his money troubles.
George Chase, Philander Chase Jr., Mary Chase, church, Mr. Blodget, Dudley Smith, Horace, Lucia, Diocese
Chase, Philander, "Letter to Dudley Chase" (1818). Philander Chase Letters. 208.
Worthington Sept. 16th 1818
It is a long time since your favour of the 28th of June came to hand: what therefore have I to say in excuse for delaying to answer you? Much my dear brother.
First my feelings as to the main subject of your epistle were made known to you in a letter which I wrote to George previously to the rec. of yours: and I would not bear the thought of entering on that topic so soon. The bare glance of it thro’ my heart leaves a pang even now which I am as unable to express as unwilling to dwell on. My life is now a chaos. Public duty and the (what would in any other state of mind perplexing) cares of my domestic and agricultural concerns form now my only earthly refuse. Philander’s image is before me - the angel spirits my wife and daughter Mary whose bodies lie in yonder grave are without ceasing on my right and my left. So that I have not much time to give you Tho’ the kindest and best of Brothers, I thank you for the many, the countless loving kindnesses you have shown me particularly to my Son George. I believe you [asked] from pure motives in giving your advice in the last sad instance to Philander; and do forgive the many and still sleepless nights which that error in your judgment in relation to me has [?].
Whether I go to Philadelphia this fall for consecration or not is yet undetermined. All the Diocese as far South as New York have given their testimonials in my favour Pennsyla Maryland Virginia and N. Carolina have not been heard from. South Carolina have refused by reason of a misconstruction of a Canon. New Jersey have objected to the “proposed measure” without specifying their Reasons. So that, the canon requiring a “major number” of the Dioceses to be in favour of the Bp. Elect, and there being twelve beside our own and six of those 12 having given their approbation, but one more is now required out of the four yet to be heard from. How this will eventuate is [improper] for me to say. In the hands of an overruling Providence I leave it. Even that small degree of anxiety, which I at first had on this subject, is but quite as rest, by the circumstance of knowing all in my favour who ever had any opportunity of knowing my character. Wherever I have lived thence have the canonical testimonials been recd, and particularly from N. York and Connect have these been accompanied by letters the most affectionate and congratulatory.
In the event of my going to the east, I think it probably I shall visit you, but can not say with any hopeful degree of certainty. I am poor in cash and it comes hard from those who get it by the hardest. My expenses must be great to go in the [?] required: and I have to depend on I have hitherto done, on [my] my own resources. Philander drew for 300 Dollars for his outset, and my Banker is mostly without funds in N. York. Therefore I must and shall be greatly cramped.
As to your kind suggestion of making me a visit in this western Country, could I for a moment realize that blessed event with any degree of reasonable certainty, one half the clouds which now hover round my mental horizon would seem to [?] away. - But I know you and the importable of your accumulating duties too well to suffer myself to be deceived however fondly even for a while. Before the time named for your [excession] hither you will be elected Governor of Vermont; then, where will be my prospect of seeing you? I have seen too much of the deception of human wishes to be beguiled where all [all] human prospects are so much against me.
You have doubtless heard ere this thro’ Mr. Blodget that Mr. Horace [Russel] is no more. He died at Canton on the 20th [?] and poor Lucia is left with her babe a widow. As soon as I [read] Mr. Blodget’s letter I advised [?] (who, with Dudley Smith, was with me for a few days resting on their wearisome journey) to go immediately for his sister and fetch her under my roof. He started last Saturday and is there by this time. When he shall have come with Lucia I shall try to console her in her affliction for I know what she suffered. Tell her Mother our good sister Mrs. Smith that I shall make her Daughter as happy as the nature of her affliction will admit. She will remain with me till her wishes and plans are matured. I have the warrant you sent to Mr. R. for Soldiers land still in my possession and when legal advice is [?] shall deliver it to Mr. R. Heirs.
My dear Little Son Dudley is [?] my side in tolerable health. He is [bashful] to the extreme and is so attached to me as to be unhappy out of my sight even for a moment. He talks of his Mother and Sister and thinks, as he expresses it, that they will come up again from the ground by and by. Tears are in my eyes as I write this, and I mingle them with the affection with which I subscribe myself.
Your loving Brother